Clouds all around

A friend of ours lost their 8-day infant son today. There are no words that anyone can utter that can express the sorrow that we feel for their family. As bad as I feel, I almost feel guilty about how fortunate I am. It is impossible for me to know how sad and heartbroken our friends feel.  I try to think about how they must feel, but I know that I can't. The only thing I can imagine that might be close is the feeling I get from the time that I see one of kids get hurt, until the time I can rationally assess their injuries; usually this is just a few seconds. For example, today, Genna fell down the stairs. I was in the kitchen and I heard her fall in the hallway stairwell. She was okay, but there was about one and a half seconds from the time I heard that horrible noise to the time that Genna started screaming (at which point I knew she was basically okay). During that brief moment, I'm overwhelmed with intense feelings. For about a half a second, my heart stops. Then for another half second, there is complete silence where I am partially paralyzed; I'm pretty sure I can only partially breath, but at the same time, there are tons of things racing through my mind: tons of questions about what really happened, what should I do. And then there's a small amount of guilt. I wonder why I wasn't upstairs with Genna, which would have prevented this entirely. For me, this gut-wrenching feeling only lasts about a second and a half, but for our friends, this clouded paralysis and emptiness will last the rest of their lives.

The other activities of the day seem trivial, but I'll document them anyway in the spirit of being thankful how fortunate that I am: I made bread again and although it still was far from what I want it to be, it exhibited improvement. Crust was better, and although I did not get the huge light, airy pockets that I wanted, it was about a 10% improvement over my last loaf. It of course tasted very good and the kids gobbled it up like it was candy, but pretty much any warm bread out of the oven is irresistible. So, I won't give up on the bread-making... yet.

Bread - looking better, but still requiring significant improvement

Dinner also goes down as a success: calamari, basil and white wine pasta.  Oh yeah, I decided not to do the no wine & spirits for lent. I can't really judge a good meal unless it has an accompanying wine.